The infection has been removed, The soul of this machine has improved

So things have changed and will continue to change. I took the decision to delete my remaining social media accounts - Instagram and Twitter. 

Now, it might sound silly but I didn’t take that step lightly. I have met some genuinely good people via social media - especially some of the wargaming Twitter crew - my interactions with them will be missed. If any of them do see this - Richard, Tom, Demitri, Paul, Dabyx, Padre, Michael in particular - thank you for your time and friendship, at times it saved my life.

But it never felt quite the same for me after I saw a racist ‘joke’ aimed at GRT people (of which I am part) by one of the community’s highly popular and well-respected rules writers. And, of course, it got some ‘likes’ - only to be expected when it was by someone representing a company that has whole days dedicated to their rules systems.

But if there was a way to make me feel that I don’t belong, that’s it. 

I tried to swallow down my uncomfortable feelings and just get on with things…in hindsight not the right course of action; prejudice should always be challenged and I failed in that. I failed my people, and I failed myself.

Of course, it never went away. It gnawed at the back of my head like some mangy rat. Brought fresh to the forefront with every right wing view I saw expressed  (always by people that claim to want to stay away from politics of course). I felt like an alien, like an imposter in my own hobby ‘community’. 

Long time readers of the blog may recall this isn’t the first time I’ve felt this way - but for different reasons. Maybe I am not really cut out for any kind of hobby community.

That realisation, and the subsequent deletion of social media, even made me question keeping my involvement in wargaming at all. You know, scrap the lot and take up something else instead.

But after spending some time reflecting I decided against giving up a hobby that has been a part of me for decades. I decided I’d do it all on my terms, in my way - standing apart from anyone else.